


Love From a Strider is All You Desire

by atomicSoundwaves



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-14 12:44:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/837004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atomicSoundwaves/pseuds/atomicSoundwaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John hasn't been really upbeat lately, due to a certain someone's abscence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love From a Strider is All You Desire

You have no idea what happened that day. He just left. He didn't even bother to say where he was going. He didn't even say goodbye. You wanted to know what happened to your best friend, you really did. You missed him more than you missed Nanna, and you missed her an awful lot. You were only thirteen when he disappeared, a young boy compared to now. He's been gone for such a long time, but you haven't forgotten about him. How could you? He's made such an impact in your life that forgetting about the time you two spent together would be insulting. You always believed that he was going to come back. It took you three years to realize that he wasn't. 

It hurt that you lost your best friend. Although you still have Rose and Jade, they weren't able to fill the void a certain Strider had left in your heart. Whenever you thought about him that void felt like it got bigger. You are now seventeen years old and you are currently in eleventh grade. Four years. He's left for four years and hasn't returned. He had many means of communication but the bastard hasn't once tried to let you know that he's alright and alive. It crossed your mind a few times that he may have been dead, but you quickly pushed those thoughts to the back of your head. These were the times where you had to stay optimistic, even if those horrible thoughts came back to haunt you at night.

You cried yourself to sleep on multiple occasions when those thoughts wouldn't stay away. You couldn't stand not having Dave around. You couldn't stand thinking that he was dead. You couldn't stand being alone. 

Loneliness. It was your only friend at times. When you were left in complete solitude, abandoned by everyone you thought were your friends, it was there for you. It would always be silent. It would never judge you. You always thought that being alone was awful, but in reality, solitude has been more of a friend than anyone else, even Jade and Rose. And that alone is a lot to say.

You are currently in your room, sitting on your bed, and thinking about everything. You're thinking to yourself, "Why does everything bad happen to me?" Personally, your life hasn't been the best so far. A year ago you started cutting because you started to face reality. That life is a piece of shit. That friends don't exist. That he doesn't care about you. He will never care. You've attempted suicide a few times as well. They were all failed attempts, seeing as someone always had to fucking barge in your goddamn room whenever they felt like it. Its like they want you to suffer. They want you to endure pain for the rest of your miserable life. You can't end it. Because they will always be there to stop you. And it pisses you off to no end.

If people were to see who you truly were they would be horrified. You're always such a nice person. Always so upbeat and giddy. Fuck that. You hated having to act that way. But no one wants to hear about your problems, John. Keep them to yourself and you won't bore people to death, you always thought. You think that if people were to see the real you, they wouldn't want to be your friend. They would call you an attention whore who only acts depressed so others would pity him. You know what you have to say to that? Fuck the world. Its a cruel place that doesn't deserve to exist. You don't deserve to exist. But you have to keep going, or someone will reprimand you and tell you that living life is the only path to walk.

You've recently started talking to the voices in your head. They're telling you that if you end it all now, it'll get better. If you die painfully, you would benefit. They're saying that you're a worthless, pathetic kid who doesn't belong in this world. You remember screaming to the top of your lungs to get them to shut up. Because deep down inside, you know they're right. You've silently admitted to yourself several times that you hate being you. It hurts you more than you know. You remember not having to hide your true self, because the happy, upbeat you was the real you.  
But now its not. Now you're a failure who should rot in a hole of his own regrets.

Your thoughts would've continued if your doorbell didn't ring. Before you went to go get it you wiped away the tears you didn't know were being shed. Then you walked out of the room and went to go see who it was. 'Probably Jade or Rose', you thought. They've been checking up on you more frequently ever since your first attempt at suicide. But it wasn't either of the two. To your surprise, it was someone you haven't seen in four years. A certain blonde haired individual that walked out of your life and left you alone for a very long time.

Dave Strider. Your best friend. You couldn't believe it. The tears began to silently fall again while you smiled a genuine smile that you haven't had the pleasure of having in a while. Before you knew it you were hugging him and trying not to break down crying. You were so happy to see him, but you were furious at the same time. How come he never called, or texted? Why hadn't he told you where he was going? Why hadn't he said goodbye?

"Hey John. Its nice to see you aga--"

You slapped him. Hard. That asshole deserved it. You started yelling at him and tried not to start sobbing.

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?! DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME WHERE YOU WERE GOING? I'VE BEEN LIVING IN HELL FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS BECAUSE OF YOU. EVERY MOMENT YOU WERE GONE I WAS TRYING SO HARD NOT TO KILL MYSELF. You were my everything, Dave. And you just walked out on me. Why the fuck would you do that you asshole?!"

He just stood there, looking away in what seemed to be disappointment. You curled up on the floor, hugging your knees to your chest, and bawled your eyes out. Arms were around you in seconds.

"John, I'm so sorry. I never meant to leave. My bro, he just told me we were moving all of a sudden and I never built up the courage to tell you. I missed you so much. I'm sorry John, I'm so, so sorry."

You looked up to meet his eyes, but they were looking down at your wrists. Shit. Looks like you have a lot of explaining to do.

"John, what the fuck?" He said. He grabbed both of your wrists gently and observed each scar. You couldn't answer him. You didn't have the heart to tell your friend that it was because you were too weak and the urge was too strong.

"I'm sorry," was all you could manage. You didn't even realize Dave started crying until a single teardrop fell on your arm. You could tell from behind his shades that his look showed nothing but pure terror. You started crying again, because you've just upset your best friend. Dave still hugged you, though. He even tried to comfort you by telling you it was all going to be alright.

"I won't leave again, I promise. I'm here to stay this time." At that moment, he kissed your cheek. You blushed a very deep red. You looked at him, and kissed him. You could tell he was surprised by the response, since he gasped slightly. He leaned into the kiss anyways, and you smiled. For the first time in what seemed like forever, you were truly happy. You never even realized how much you needed Dave, how much you wanted him, until now. When he broke the kiss, he said something that you will remember forever.

"I love you John, and I always will. Never forget that."

You beamed at him, and kissed him once more. After pulling away, you said, "I won't ever forget it. I love you, Dave. More than you'll ever know."

It seemed that your relationship was a bit too young for you to be able to say that you loved him. But who cares. You meant it, and you really hope that he did too. And right now, that's all you could ever ask for.


End file.
